i asked one thing, just one thing from you
to give me all the love that you could
you told me first i must do as you say
so i waited for your love every night and day.

i closed my eyes and with a deep breath
set on to work on the missions ahead
cuz i needed to finish as fast as i could
and do it all perfectly like you always would.

but then your conditions kept growing more
it'll be all over soon, you swore
you told me to follow all the things you say
so i waited for your love every night and day.

and then just when i thought i did it all,
you looked at me but from behind a wall
but i did everything you told me to do
every moment, every heartbeat, every breath was for you.

you look at me uninterested with your cold eyes
i'm starting to see your promises were lie
such a fool still doing everything you say
still waiting for your love every night and day...

this is dedicated to a very precious friend..livestrong my friend..we love u..

Look at the sun, so warm, so bright

they say it beats evil and gives life

its radiance, its beauty and its might

to be strong as his sun, he strives.

But why is his sun getting eclipsed

Streams of dark rays penetrating his skin

as he runs around to get a glimpse of light

against the enclosing darkness he tries to win.

Fading light brings in the pain

he fights, he writhers to get up

but the shadows clasp onto his body

he fights on, never does he stop.

Losing breath is easier than hope

why do you believe against it they ask

night after night he talks to himself

wonder what fuels his desire to live.

He says he is restless and impatient

he says he hasnt lived, how can he leave?

a dream takes birth in his heart

for her he fights, her faith, her belief.

He says he closes his eyes and dreams this dream

holding her and walking towards the horizon

he looks at the sleepy earth silent after a war

then he smiles at the sky as his sun shines on.

past tense.

i have always had the habit of scribbling down poems in whatever paper pieces i could get.. was going through some old notebooks and found a piece. dont remember when i wrote it, but im guessing its atleast 2 years old. going through my own poems i feel im kinda psychotic. i've been this crazy since forever. and i continue to be so. so here's another story. enjoy.

her hands are burning, flames all around

a glint in her eye and her face turns a frown

tears are coming but she wont break down

she's gotta fight, let the blood stain the ground.

hungry eyes look at her, dark like nightfall

tension rising, it cannot be stalled

crouched and alert ready for brawl

he smashes his fist at her, and hits the dry wall.

she stands still holding his face

he breathes hard trying to make sense

they look at each other, everything in haze

rage to passion binds them in a cage.

slowly beauty turns to beast

she takes a gun and thrusts into his fist

as she shoots her heart breaks to bits

he holds her close to steal a last kiss.

flames to ashes under the moon

he hums her a lullaby tune

she sleeps silent as he feels marooned

he takes the gun andd says "see you soon".

her silent stare so full of words
waiting to be shed like rain
on the lies that seem so real
on the truth that seems so feigned.

startled emotions leave her hollow
her soul drowns in its depth
her voice seems distant
as she tries to live through her death.

mistaken faith shatter like empty vases
leaving dead roses at her feet
she has no place to escape
the walls around her burn with deceit.

love trickles away beyond life
into a sunset never to rise
feeding the worms that erode her trust
muffling her unworthy cries.

she falls on her knees without her pride
his shadow sweeps over her face that wept
running away from the screaming present
her last memory of his red footsteps..

hey you, standing there in the light

while i hide in the dark from you

you stand there with arms open wide

like a mirage of love and happiness too.

you smile at me assuring i'll be safe

but why does it chill my bones

step by step i come closer to you

your touch feels cold as stone.

i shiver in your embrace, my heart beats fast

all my senses tell me to run

you tighten your grasp as you feel my doubt

crushing my defences as they leave me stunned.

i try to breathe but my lungs feel week

drowning in all your love and care

i try to break free but you're too strong

you see me die slowly as you just stare.

how can you hurt me so deep

like a blade slowly pushing deeper into my vein

you're smothering me, this cant be called love

the scarlet sky bleeds on us as it rains.

its not your mission to run my life

its not parenting if you kill your child

let me mend my broken wings

and learn my way through the wild.

but my pleads you dont hear

you rule my world with your iron hand

as my heart goes numb under the hurt

my tears dissapear under the waves of sand.

smile

i was in college...getting bored as usual...so i came up with this after a friend asked me why i abandoned my blog...so here it goes...



such a grey morning, clouds invade the sky
i wake up and put up a smile
walk out of my room, dark corridors lead the way
tredding on a path of stone, for countless miles.

in the shadows and around every corner
judgemental eyes glare into my soul
their words all harsh like a soliloquy of death
the mask of a clown hides me whole.

they all see me smile and wonder why
"what are her secrets, are her spirits sold?"
"how can it be that joy chose that witch?"
but they never see how my heart has gone cold.

so many years as i cried alone
no one was there to be with me for a while
helpless did i learn to stand all alone
and painted on my scars a misleading smile.

my life, my words, my soul, my love
all lie bare open for them to treat unfair
my silence like a joker's tear, nobody understands
my grief is all mine, and not to be shared.

i smile for the world, i smile to its people
but they hold it as a crime, those pessimist born
with my cold heart and a warm laugh
on the stone path, i carry on...

this is a real story about a person very close to me..she is a middle aged woman now, and she told me long ago that "when it really matters, you're really alone"..after a rough few weeks i thought about her and wrote this for her..for the record, she never found what she needed..

Love don’t last and friends don’t stay
Empty promises fade away
Tears roll down with no one to see
A lonely heart alone it sleeps.

On a day so blue, and skies so grey
I look at the photos on the wall
A group of friends smiling wide
They don’t resemble reality at all.
A song I hum along so much
Of joy, of fun, times low and high
Of seasons in sun and splashes in rain
But like seasons, the good times pass on by.

A desperate search for a human face
Who would stand by me till the end
In joy or sorrow in sickness or health
Someone to be my true friend.
The journey of life has taught so much
Naïve expectations better not made
For every person breathes selfish desires
When it truly matters, you’re alone, its said.

Often I found someone to trust
Often a fool while giving all to them
Needs fulfilled, they walked away
Leaving behind only the pain.
Words of faith and care misused
In shallow smiles they enticed me
Now words lay broken without love
With a wounded trust left to bleed.

The smiles in photos look ugly
Like corpses of betrayal and sin
Inhuman face of cherished friend
Leaves me terrified within.
Twenty years I search and fail
For a friendship stronger than storms
Twenty years I bruise and bleed
In false promises and fake bonds.

Through the years my mind gets jaded
With thoughts of a cursed destiny
Am I disturbed or just depressed?
Alone forever meant to be.
So it seems that love don’t last and friends don’t stay
The empty promises fade away
Tears roll down with no one to see
My lonely heart alone it sleeps.

this is a rough sketch of an idea..i did not find enough time to edit and restructure the verses..so im putting it up in its rough form..well its my blog, and its my voice..rough or smooth, deal with it..

Born in a world, ruled by sons
A girl has no place to be
She grows up to be like a boy
Her fading feminity..

But alas a girl, her soft emotions
A prince comes and steals her heart
She sings, she swoons, all in love
Together, to never be apart..
She trusts him blind, and puts her faith
She grows her hair and finds her grace
He makes her feel loved and cared
And holds her close to keep her safe.

But he is a boy, and doesn’t know
How easy it is to break her trust
He goes about owning the world
And ignores her tears that wet the dust.
People around praise him for all
A boy can be anything he wants
But she gets disapproved for her love
Every step their judging eyes haunt.

The girl now alone, the boy has gone
She smiles and hides her wounded soul
she fights for her place in a boy’s world
as slowly her heart turns cold.
She finds friends who give her love
She bonds into a stronger ally
Times spent with them so pure
She moves past all truth and lie.
But she is a girl and it is a fault
If she finds a friend in a boy
Judging eyes return to haunt her
Prejudiced opinions steal her joy.
A girl and boy mustn’t be close
She is warned by ladies that its too bold
She rolls her eyes and pays no heed
Till she hears them say her morals are sold.

She has stepped into a world of men
While traditions bind her down
daughters and sons have all forsaken her
while she hides behind the tears of a clown.
For she is a girl forever at fault
Fighting critics her strength is torn
Her love, her friendship both so stained
Days and years she fights alone.

solitude

sunday afternoon, i sit and gaze

upon the sparrow flying through its dreams

my sight falls on a girl sitting deep in thought

solving mysteries in her head it seems..

she looks at me with desperate eyes

a silent look of screaming loneliness

invisible ropes hold her to her seat

her soul struggles in all the mess..

i see her face cold without a smile

incapable of emotions, her blank stare

i dont feel pity, instead i fear

how solitude killed this girl's care..

i knew her over the years

as the sparkle in her eyes faded

forced to be where she didn't belong

the loved turned into the dreaded..

they say she is not human

just a broken product of life

but i knew her to be a girl

who lived for others with her heart on a knife..

they all came, they all left

she never forgot the moments she shared

they moved on in their own journey

but she thought they cared..

she waited for them to turn

to come back and take her along

her hope turned to anger and anger to stone

the lines blurred between right and wrong..

she shut down, no words, no desires

and no one asked her why

time flies and she breathes through betrayal

no protests but a silent cry..

we are born alone

a truth that cant get any clearer

and we shall leave one day, alone

i nod to her and turn my gaze away from the mirror..

i know i said no more posts, but hey when do i ever follow rules?? nor do i pledge sticking to my words..so dont count on me..ok so here goes, another piece on depression..

i see an angel in the mist
smiling at me like a dream
I know its deceptive
Hope is nightmare, always seems.
I press my hand on my heart,
Trying to stop it from ripping my soul
Is it trauma, is it misery
Im entering into darkness untold.
My angel has broken wings
No savior, no escape, no relief to be taken
My god has forsaken.
I drown in the hollowness
Look up at the sky saying hallowed be thy name
Into the graves of depression
I lie defeated, cant feel, cant blame.
Cross my arms over my chest
My angel buries me into earth
I close my eyes, a wounded scorpion
The last breath gets impatient to be set free
And I fade into oblivion..

there will be no further posts here before 2010..

They stare at this girl watching her mess up her life
They shake their heads disappointed
‘cause she’s not worth their time.

As she falls every step and bruises her grace
She wipes a tear from her eyes and picks herself up with a brave face.

They judge her by looks and the way she talks and dresses
Well this little girl couldn’t but care any less.

She tries to win but keeps falling apart
Somebody needs to save her
And rebuild her heart
And hold her and love her forever.

Caged and alone she looks at the sky
Praying to heaven and seeking deliverance
She’s strong on the outside and she doesn’t care
But inside she’s longing for acceptance.

Voices around her tell her she’s not worthy of love or respect or a dream
All lies people tell are turning to truth to her it seems.

With a broken spirit she puts on a smile
Searching the crowd to see if she finds
The one who will tell her all will be right
And together all worries they’ll fight.

So they keep watching this girl everyday
Her every way they condemn
She hangs onto her faith and just smiles at them.

She hopes she will soon be saved from this place
In a fantasy world she’ll find her lost grace
She’ll walk hand in hand singing a song
That’s where she dreams to belong..

It’s a strange thing, feelings…it can strengthen you, or cripple you. I’ve seen people fall in love and then get hurt. And yet they say “it was worth it” and agree to go through all that all over again.
This is dedicated to love songs, ccd, and long chats..

You were my strength and my smile
But you let me fall
You had my heart, my soul
My breath, my mind, my all.
As the clouds eclipse the moon
You left me alone in the rain
I lift my head to the crying sky
It gently washes away my pain.
Seasons come and pass on by
All the wounds heal with time
I got no regrets from my past
I’m glad for a while that you were mine.
All the wrongs that we had done
All the screams and all the tears
They seem to not matter now
And I seem to not fear.
Although trust and faith were broken
Like a drug its in my vein
After all the lessons learnt
I would still want to love again.

They say love comes so easy
They say its patient and is kind
They believe whats not real
Its tears and smiles entwined.

They say love is pure and peaceful
They say it does not envy or boast
Well they may not know
Its full of doubt and sacrifice of most.

They say love is not self seeking
They say its not angered, is not rude
We dunno who they are
But know that love makes you more crude.

They say love is truth, is not evil
It keeps no record of our wrongs
But soon this promise fades
It remains no happy song.

They say love protects and brings hope
It trusts and preserves these vows
Love cannot simply be stated in words
It slowly turns to dust, nothing lasts forever now.

Love is all these things
And also none of these
To some its elixir of life
To others it robs them of peace.

Love can make us be so hollow
Yet we submit ourselves to this crime
Living through its curses and boons
We blindly follow our hearts and close our minds.

shades of me

if anyone asks me what a relationship is i can go on discussing pros cons wants desires turn ons turn offs...but honestly i dont know what it truly is. i think i'll be bad at it cuz there's a part of me which doesnt want to belong to anyone. and then there's a lil part which wants to know for once how it feels to belong. the conflict inside me has just been let out and so im sharing this composition today. i wrote it in school, class 9. i was not in any relationships and no i have not been ditched, betrayed or dumped. yet i know you'll question me why i write such stuffs..well thats the mystery..

shade 1:

I close my eyes when I see a glass
Afraid to look at myself
I don’t know what I have become
But I don’t need any of your help.

Don’t ask me to share myself
I got no stories to tell
I’ve closed my heart long ago
Emotions drag you to hell.

I don’t wanna know if u like me
No I don’t see a future
I’m messed up dealing with present
Don’t care about others for sure.

I have a wall around me built
No I don’t want u to enter
Leave me alone as with me
You’re not my emotion’s centre.

Love is lie, to hell with it
Never needed never wanna get
So overrated is this commitment
Get a job, get a life you wont regret.

If I am mean, if I am rude
I’m that for a reason
Emotions will make you weak
Get rid of it with new season.

I may end up with me and all alone
Its great, I love myself
But I wont be broken, I don’t need fixing
I don’t need any f your help.


shade 2:

I look at me in others eyes
Feel so trapped inside
Afraid to let my guards down
In my shadows I hide.

I close my eyes and feel him there
Someone somewhere for me
Its just a dream I design
To save me from misery.

I try to freeze my bleeding heart
dunno why it hurts
I’ve never been hurt in reality
But still I keep falling apart.

I wanna be saved from drowning myself
Wanna be saved from me
Deeper and deeper I hide my emotions
Hateful I try to be.

I dunno why I am so
Why cant I let myself out
There’s a part of me which wants love
While the other fills me with doubt.



Two shades of me I live with
It seems I love to hate
Tearing myself from inside
I let darkness rules my fate.

feel the love

she closes her eyes and it scares her
demons of her past come haunting
she shivers and reaches out
but the emptiness around is so taunting.
No one there to hold her close
To make her feel safe tonight
The shadows keep calling her name
She fights back with all her might.

He sits alone staring blank
Thoughts playing on his mind
He thinks of her being all alone
He’s more cruel to her than kind.
He doesn’t know why he treats her so
Though he needs her and loves her more than breath
But the beast comes out when he feels her
Slowly strangling her to her death.

Twenty five years its been
They lived and loved forever more
Smiles and cheers lighting their faces
With dark eyes and their crumbling core.
Love was just a sadist’s show
While reality tore them from inside
Abuses and curses bruised their hearts
Which their rings and vows did hide.

I see them smile, see them cry
Roses and thorns side by side
They promise eternity always
To spread their love far and wide.
They scream in pain and force a smile
Uproot the flowers and kill the dove
They poison each others lives
I smile and ask, do you feel the love?

everyday i sit for a while and wonder why there is so much of darkness around while so many people pray everyday to deliver them from evil... they say god created us in his image...philosophies say god is within us...priests say we empower the devil when we choose to sin...it all seems to me that we, the mortals hold the power over the paradiso and inferno...faith in an ourselves would take us to the glorious destinies we deserve...but still we are too influenced by the bonds that the societies imprison us with...cursing us to believe that we are inferior to the very force that built us all...break free...believe....we have the power...and together all of us make that mystic force...one soul...one heart...one faith...one god...

this is dedicated to all those who believe earth is the almighty!! (for the rest, just try and believe)..



Hey there, do u see me here
Do u see the silence I hold
Come close, closer still
There’s a story here to be told..

Twenty years its been since
The blood brought forth the rose
Bathed in crimson drops of life
To smile over tears she chose..

Slowly waiting to strengthen her core
She walked to see the lights
World celebrating the fall of evil
She stares at glorious sights..

Year after year she gathers power
Knowledge from far and wide
Gaining trust of souls around
Her true ambitions she hide..

Today she turns of age
To receive the gift promised
Heavens gather with worried thoughts
The demons too haven’t missed..

She opens the box handed to her
As mysteries are unsealed
Centuries old golden talisman
Is what is now revealed..

She takes it out and holds it high
Calling out to the mortal soul
The power over angels and beasts
Forever she thus beholds..

The gods bow down in reluctance
The demons let out a sigh
Earth has risen to be the almighty
With power from depths to the high..

She smiles at the gathering
Content flowing in her veins
Knowing real work has only begun
To heal earth from its pains..

She used to pray amen
Or curse her enemies to damn
But now she says “earth”
The power now lies with man..

From the birth of time to the present breath
They ruled our destinies for long
We bowed we prayed and followed
But now its time to let go..

She was a star who came to earth
As a mortal she lived
She gave us all a part of her
and filled us all with belief..

The talisman of power is with us
So choose our fates with hope
We rule the worlds of paradise and fire
So far above, as below..

worthless voice

this is a late night out of the mind composition and bears some resemblance to reality..but thats life..sometimes one cannot find words eloquent enough to describe its glories, and sometimes normal unexceptional words can express how at times life simply sucks. i dedicate this to all the losers out there..all rise for the greatest losers!


trying hard to feel
i feel numb to love
begging for approval
i seek blessings from above.
but God just laughs at me
tells me he's not a saint
he's just an artist
our destinies he paints.
i turn to my angel
"please help me feel"
she says i'll never be able
to know love for real.
i think its alright
i got better plans anyway
i need to please my papa
by being a superstar everyday.
but then God the painter
summoned angel the player
they started playing tic-tac-toe
over my dares and cares.
everything i care for
they marked with a zero
everytime i dare to
they cross me from being a hero.
dad sees me fail
it shames him to know me
mom knows i'm fine
but in her eyes i see worry.
with no one to turn to
i lie alone in the night
emotions burst out in tears
failed ambitions i try to fight.
smothered, failed and imprisoned
three words desribe my existense
trying to follow all the rules
slowly fades my insignificant presence.
i keep getting up every new day
even after i fall from grace
i play the player and pose for the painter
with smile on my shameless face.
and at night when they win
i cry myself numb and cold
dad....god....angel
their pawn i am i'm told.
the story of my life is simple
a sad soul in silent noise
on burnt pages of fate
i script my worthless voice.

murderer

her eyes glittering, she stands

on the corpse of her past

dripping in satisfaction

the small regrets wont last.

a murderer she rose today

daughter of the night

friends she has none

enemies she kills with pride.

once she was beautiful

now she looks like stone

deep scars engrave her heart

she fights her life alone.

her hands red with blood

she smothers the child inside

betrayel wont be possible

when there's no one by her side.

aroma of death she embraces

destroying other's lives

forever her carnival carries on

as the murderer in shadows, she strives..

frozen girl

she sits frozen in the day

not even the sun can melt her down

the fortress of solitude

she screams inside without a sound.

she looks up at the sky

tears wetting her cheeks

feeling robbed without her wings

being numb for so long weeks.

she wont let anyone

hold her and make her warm

emotions hurt a lot

breaking her heart every dawn.

she tries to smile but fails

breaking her soul in pieces

she collects herself to move on

all the struggles never eases.

before she heads out for another day

she takes a look at herself

frozen girl in the mirror

she wants to cry out for help.

no one hears her cry out

in the world where she breathes

not even the sun can make her warm

alone with herself she lives.