past tense.

i have always had the habit of scribbling down poems in whatever paper pieces i could get.. was going through some old notebooks and found a piece. dont remember when i wrote it, but im guessing its atleast 2 years old. going through my own poems i feel im kinda psychotic. i've been this crazy since forever. and i continue to be so. so here's another story. enjoy.

her hands are burning, flames all around

a glint in her eye and her face turns a frown

tears are coming but she wont break down

she's gotta fight, let the blood stain the ground.

hungry eyes look at her, dark like nightfall

tension rising, it cannot be stalled

crouched and alert ready for brawl

he smashes his fist at her, and hits the dry wall.

she stands still holding his face

he breathes hard trying to make sense

they look at each other, everything in haze

rage to passion binds them in a cage.

slowly beauty turns to beast

she takes a gun and thrusts into his fist

as she shoots her heart breaks to bits

he holds her close to steal a last kiss.

flames to ashes under the moon

he hums her a lullaby tune

she sleeps silent as he feels marooned

he takes the gun andd says "see you soon".

her silent stare so full of words
waiting to be shed like rain
on the lies that seem so real
on the truth that seems so feigned.

startled emotions leave her hollow
her soul drowns in its depth
her voice seems distant
as she tries to live through her death.

mistaken faith shatter like empty vases
leaving dead roses at her feet
she has no place to escape
the walls around her burn with deceit.

love trickles away beyond life
into a sunset never to rise
feeding the worms that erode her trust
muffling her unworthy cries.

she falls on her knees without her pride
his shadow sweeps over her face that wept
running away from the screaming present
her last memory of his red footsteps..

hey you, standing there in the light

while i hide in the dark from you

you stand there with arms open wide

like a mirage of love and happiness too.

you smile at me assuring i'll be safe

but why does it chill my bones

step by step i come closer to you

your touch feels cold as stone.

i shiver in your embrace, my heart beats fast

all my senses tell me to run

you tighten your grasp as you feel my doubt

crushing my defences as they leave me stunned.

i try to breathe but my lungs feel week

drowning in all your love and care

i try to break free but you're too strong

you see me die slowly as you just stare.

how can you hurt me so deep

like a blade slowly pushing deeper into my vein

you're smothering me, this cant be called love

the scarlet sky bleeds on us as it rains.

its not your mission to run my life

its not parenting if you kill your child

let me mend my broken wings

and learn my way through the wild.

but my pleads you dont hear

you rule my world with your iron hand

as my heart goes numb under the hurt

my tears dissapear under the waves of sand.

smile

i was in college...getting bored as usual...so i came up with this after a friend asked me why i abandoned my blog...so here it goes...



such a grey morning, clouds invade the sky
i wake up and put up a smile
walk out of my room, dark corridors lead the way
tredding on a path of stone, for countless miles.

in the shadows and around every corner
judgemental eyes glare into my soul
their words all harsh like a soliloquy of death
the mask of a clown hides me whole.

they all see me smile and wonder why
"what are her secrets, are her spirits sold?"
"how can it be that joy chose that witch?"
but they never see how my heart has gone cold.

so many years as i cried alone
no one was there to be with me for a while
helpless did i learn to stand all alone
and painted on my scars a misleading smile.

my life, my words, my soul, my love
all lie bare open for them to treat unfair
my silence like a joker's tear, nobody understands
my grief is all mine, and not to be shared.

i smile for the world, i smile to its people
but they hold it as a crime, those pessimist born
with my cold heart and a warm laugh
on the stone path, i carry on...

this is a real story about a person very close to me..she is a middle aged woman now, and she told me long ago that "when it really matters, you're really alone"..after a rough few weeks i thought about her and wrote this for her..for the record, she never found what she needed..

Love don’t last and friends don’t stay
Empty promises fade away
Tears roll down with no one to see
A lonely heart alone it sleeps.

On a day so blue, and skies so grey
I look at the photos on the wall
A group of friends smiling wide
They don’t resemble reality at all.
A song I hum along so much
Of joy, of fun, times low and high
Of seasons in sun and splashes in rain
But like seasons, the good times pass on by.

A desperate search for a human face
Who would stand by me till the end
In joy or sorrow in sickness or health
Someone to be my true friend.
The journey of life has taught so much
Naïve expectations better not made
For every person breathes selfish desires
When it truly matters, you’re alone, its said.

Often I found someone to trust
Often a fool while giving all to them
Needs fulfilled, they walked away
Leaving behind only the pain.
Words of faith and care misused
In shallow smiles they enticed me
Now words lay broken without love
With a wounded trust left to bleed.

The smiles in photos look ugly
Like corpses of betrayal and sin
Inhuman face of cherished friend
Leaves me terrified within.
Twenty years I search and fail
For a friendship stronger than storms
Twenty years I bruise and bleed
In false promises and fake bonds.

Through the years my mind gets jaded
With thoughts of a cursed destiny
Am I disturbed or just depressed?
Alone forever meant to be.
So it seems that love don’t last and friends don’t stay
The empty promises fade away
Tears roll down with no one to see
My lonely heart alone it sleeps.

this is a rough sketch of an idea..i did not find enough time to edit and restructure the verses..so im putting it up in its rough form..well its my blog, and its my voice..rough or smooth, deal with it..

Born in a world, ruled by sons
A girl has no place to be
She grows up to be like a boy
Her fading feminity..

But alas a girl, her soft emotions
A prince comes and steals her heart
She sings, she swoons, all in love
Together, to never be apart..
She trusts him blind, and puts her faith
She grows her hair and finds her grace
He makes her feel loved and cared
And holds her close to keep her safe.

But he is a boy, and doesn’t know
How easy it is to break her trust
He goes about owning the world
And ignores her tears that wet the dust.
People around praise him for all
A boy can be anything he wants
But she gets disapproved for her love
Every step their judging eyes haunt.

The girl now alone, the boy has gone
She smiles and hides her wounded soul
she fights for her place in a boy’s world
as slowly her heart turns cold.
She finds friends who give her love
She bonds into a stronger ally
Times spent with them so pure
She moves past all truth and lie.
But she is a girl and it is a fault
If she finds a friend in a boy
Judging eyes return to haunt her
Prejudiced opinions steal her joy.
A girl and boy mustn’t be close
She is warned by ladies that its too bold
She rolls her eyes and pays no heed
Till she hears them say her morals are sold.

She has stepped into a world of men
While traditions bind her down
daughters and sons have all forsaken her
while she hides behind the tears of a clown.
For she is a girl forever at fault
Fighting critics her strength is torn
Her love, her friendship both so stained
Days and years she fights alone.

solitude

sunday afternoon, i sit and gaze

upon the sparrow flying through its dreams

my sight falls on a girl sitting deep in thought

solving mysteries in her head it seems..

she looks at me with desperate eyes

a silent look of screaming loneliness

invisible ropes hold her to her seat

her soul struggles in all the mess..

i see her face cold without a smile

incapable of emotions, her blank stare

i dont feel pity, instead i fear

how solitude killed this girl's care..

i knew her over the years

as the sparkle in her eyes faded

forced to be where she didn't belong

the loved turned into the dreaded..

they say she is not human

just a broken product of life

but i knew her to be a girl

who lived for others with her heart on a knife..

they all came, they all left

she never forgot the moments she shared

they moved on in their own journey

but she thought they cared..

she waited for them to turn

to come back and take her along

her hope turned to anger and anger to stone

the lines blurred between right and wrong..

she shut down, no words, no desires

and no one asked her why

time flies and she breathes through betrayal

no protests but a silent cry..

we are born alone

a truth that cant get any clearer

and we shall leave one day, alone

i nod to her and turn my gaze away from the mirror..