i know i said no more posts, but hey when do i ever follow rules?? nor do i pledge sticking to my words..so dont count on me..ok so here goes, another piece on depression..

i see an angel in the mist
smiling at me like a dream
I know its deceptive
Hope is nightmare, always seems.
I press my hand on my heart,
Trying to stop it from ripping my soul
Is it trauma, is it misery
Im entering into darkness untold.
My angel has broken wings
No savior, no escape, no relief to be taken
My god has forsaken.
I drown in the hollowness
Look up at the sky saying hallowed be thy name
Into the graves of depression
I lie defeated, cant feel, cant blame.
Cross my arms over my chest
My angel buries me into earth
I close my eyes, a wounded scorpion
The last breath gets impatient to be set free
And I fade into oblivion..

there will be no further posts here before 2010..

They stare at this girl watching her mess up her life
They shake their heads disappointed
‘cause she’s not worth their time.

As she falls every step and bruises her grace
She wipes a tear from her eyes and picks herself up with a brave face.

They judge her by looks and the way she talks and dresses
Well this little girl couldn’t but care any less.

She tries to win but keeps falling apart
Somebody needs to save her
And rebuild her heart
And hold her and love her forever.

Caged and alone she looks at the sky
Praying to heaven and seeking deliverance
She’s strong on the outside and she doesn’t care
But inside she’s longing for acceptance.

Voices around her tell her she’s not worthy of love or respect or a dream
All lies people tell are turning to truth to her it seems.

With a broken spirit she puts on a smile
Searching the crowd to see if she finds
The one who will tell her all will be right
And together all worries they’ll fight.

So they keep watching this girl everyday
Her every way they condemn
She hangs onto her faith and just smiles at them.

She hopes she will soon be saved from this place
In a fantasy world she’ll find her lost grace
She’ll walk hand in hand singing a song
That’s where she dreams to belong..

It’s a strange thing, feelings…it can strengthen you, or cripple you. I’ve seen people fall in love and then get hurt. And yet they say “it was worth it” and agree to go through all that all over again.
This is dedicated to love songs, ccd, and long chats..

You were my strength and my smile
But you let me fall
You had my heart, my soul
My breath, my mind, my all.
As the clouds eclipse the moon
You left me alone in the rain
I lift my head to the crying sky
It gently washes away my pain.
Seasons come and pass on by
All the wounds heal with time
I got no regrets from my past
I’m glad for a while that you were mine.
All the wrongs that we had done
All the screams and all the tears
They seem to not matter now
And I seem to not fear.
Although trust and faith were broken
Like a drug its in my vein
After all the lessons learnt
I would still want to love again.

They say love comes so easy
They say its patient and is kind
They believe whats not real
Its tears and smiles entwined.

They say love is pure and peaceful
They say it does not envy or boast
Well they may not know
Its full of doubt and sacrifice of most.

They say love is not self seeking
They say its not angered, is not rude
We dunno who they are
But know that love makes you more crude.

They say love is truth, is not evil
It keeps no record of our wrongs
But soon this promise fades
It remains no happy song.

They say love protects and brings hope
It trusts and preserves these vows
Love cannot simply be stated in words
It slowly turns to dust, nothing lasts forever now.

Love is all these things
And also none of these
To some its elixir of life
To others it robs them of peace.

Love can make us be so hollow
Yet we submit ourselves to this crime
Living through its curses and boons
We blindly follow our hearts and close our minds.

shades of me

if anyone asks me what a relationship is i can go on discussing pros cons wants desires turn ons turn offs...but honestly i dont know what it truly is. i think i'll be bad at it cuz there's a part of me which doesnt want to belong to anyone. and then there's a lil part which wants to know for once how it feels to belong. the conflict inside me has just been let out and so im sharing this composition today. i wrote it in school, class 9. i was not in any relationships and no i have not been ditched, betrayed or dumped. yet i know you'll question me why i write such stuffs..well thats the mystery..

shade 1:

I close my eyes when I see a glass
Afraid to look at myself
I don’t know what I have become
But I don’t need any of your help.

Don’t ask me to share myself
I got no stories to tell
I’ve closed my heart long ago
Emotions drag you to hell.

I don’t wanna know if u like me
No I don’t see a future
I’m messed up dealing with present
Don’t care about others for sure.

I have a wall around me built
No I don’t want u to enter
Leave me alone as with me
You’re not my emotion’s centre.

Love is lie, to hell with it
Never needed never wanna get
So overrated is this commitment
Get a job, get a life you wont regret.

If I am mean, if I am rude
I’m that for a reason
Emotions will make you weak
Get rid of it with new season.

I may end up with me and all alone
Its great, I love myself
But I wont be broken, I don’t need fixing
I don’t need any f your help.


shade 2:

I look at me in others eyes
Feel so trapped inside
Afraid to let my guards down
In my shadows I hide.

I close my eyes and feel him there
Someone somewhere for me
Its just a dream I design
To save me from misery.

I try to freeze my bleeding heart
dunno why it hurts
I’ve never been hurt in reality
But still I keep falling apart.

I wanna be saved from drowning myself
Wanna be saved from me
Deeper and deeper I hide my emotions
Hateful I try to be.

I dunno why I am so
Why cant I let myself out
There’s a part of me which wants love
While the other fills me with doubt.



Two shades of me I live with
It seems I love to hate
Tearing myself from inside
I let darkness rules my fate.

feel the love

she closes her eyes and it scares her
demons of her past come haunting
she shivers and reaches out
but the emptiness around is so taunting.
No one there to hold her close
To make her feel safe tonight
The shadows keep calling her name
She fights back with all her might.

He sits alone staring blank
Thoughts playing on his mind
He thinks of her being all alone
He’s more cruel to her than kind.
He doesn’t know why he treats her so
Though he needs her and loves her more than breath
But the beast comes out when he feels her
Slowly strangling her to her death.

Twenty five years its been
They lived and loved forever more
Smiles and cheers lighting their faces
With dark eyes and their crumbling core.
Love was just a sadist’s show
While reality tore them from inside
Abuses and curses bruised their hearts
Which their rings and vows did hide.

I see them smile, see them cry
Roses and thorns side by side
They promise eternity always
To spread their love far and wide.
They scream in pain and force a smile
Uproot the flowers and kill the dove
They poison each others lives
I smile and ask, do you feel the love?

everyday i sit for a while and wonder why there is so much of darkness around while so many people pray everyday to deliver them from evil... they say god created us in his image...philosophies say god is within us...priests say we empower the devil when we choose to sin...it all seems to me that we, the mortals hold the power over the paradiso and inferno...faith in an ourselves would take us to the glorious destinies we deserve...but still we are too influenced by the bonds that the societies imprison us with...cursing us to believe that we are inferior to the very force that built us all...break free...believe....we have the power...and together all of us make that mystic force...one soul...one heart...one faith...one god...

this is dedicated to all those who believe earth is the almighty!! (for the rest, just try and believe)..



Hey there, do u see me here
Do u see the silence I hold
Come close, closer still
There’s a story here to be told..

Twenty years its been since
The blood brought forth the rose
Bathed in crimson drops of life
To smile over tears she chose..

Slowly waiting to strengthen her core
She walked to see the lights
World celebrating the fall of evil
She stares at glorious sights..

Year after year she gathers power
Knowledge from far and wide
Gaining trust of souls around
Her true ambitions she hide..

Today she turns of age
To receive the gift promised
Heavens gather with worried thoughts
The demons too haven’t missed..

She opens the box handed to her
As mysteries are unsealed
Centuries old golden talisman
Is what is now revealed..

She takes it out and holds it high
Calling out to the mortal soul
The power over angels and beasts
Forever she thus beholds..

The gods bow down in reluctance
The demons let out a sigh
Earth has risen to be the almighty
With power from depths to the high..

She smiles at the gathering
Content flowing in her veins
Knowing real work has only begun
To heal earth from its pains..

She used to pray amen
Or curse her enemies to damn
But now she says “earth”
The power now lies with man..

From the birth of time to the present breath
They ruled our destinies for long
We bowed we prayed and followed
But now its time to let go..

She was a star who came to earth
As a mortal she lived
She gave us all a part of her
and filled us all with belief..

The talisman of power is with us
So choose our fates with hope
We rule the worlds of paradise and fire
So far above, as below..

worthless voice

this is a late night out of the mind composition and bears some resemblance to reality..but thats life..sometimes one cannot find words eloquent enough to describe its glories, and sometimes normal unexceptional words can express how at times life simply sucks. i dedicate this to all the losers out there..all rise for the greatest losers!


trying hard to feel
i feel numb to love
begging for approval
i seek blessings from above.
but God just laughs at me
tells me he's not a saint
he's just an artist
our destinies he paints.
i turn to my angel
"please help me feel"
she says i'll never be able
to know love for real.
i think its alright
i got better plans anyway
i need to please my papa
by being a superstar everyday.
but then God the painter
summoned angel the player
they started playing tic-tac-toe
over my dares and cares.
everything i care for
they marked with a zero
everytime i dare to
they cross me from being a hero.
dad sees me fail
it shames him to know me
mom knows i'm fine
but in her eyes i see worry.
with no one to turn to
i lie alone in the night
emotions burst out in tears
failed ambitions i try to fight.
smothered, failed and imprisoned
three words desribe my existense
trying to follow all the rules
slowly fades my insignificant presence.
i keep getting up every new day
even after i fall from grace
i play the player and pose for the painter
with smile on my shameless face.
and at night when they win
i cry myself numb and cold
dad....god....angel
their pawn i am i'm told.
the story of my life is simple
a sad soul in silent noise
on burnt pages of fate
i script my worthless voice.

murderer

her eyes glittering, she stands

on the corpse of her past

dripping in satisfaction

the small regrets wont last.

a murderer she rose today

daughter of the night

friends she has none

enemies she kills with pride.

once she was beautiful

now she looks like stone

deep scars engrave her heart

she fights her life alone.

her hands red with blood

she smothers the child inside

betrayel wont be possible

when there's no one by her side.

aroma of death she embraces

destroying other's lives

forever her carnival carries on

as the murderer in shadows, she strives..

frozen girl

she sits frozen in the day

not even the sun can melt her down

the fortress of solitude

she screams inside without a sound.

she looks up at the sky

tears wetting her cheeks

feeling robbed without her wings

being numb for so long weeks.

she wont let anyone

hold her and make her warm

emotions hurt a lot

breaking her heart every dawn.

she tries to smile but fails

breaking her soul in pieces

she collects herself to move on

all the struggles never eases.

before she heads out for another day

she takes a look at herself

frozen girl in the mirror

she wants to cry out for help.

no one hears her cry out

in the world where she breathes

not even the sun can make her warm

alone with herself she lives.

suicide or murder

Underneath the gray clouds
Eve held a gun in her hands
Dilemma weakening her nerves
Yet fearless she stands.

She lifts her gun and aims
At the woman standing ahead
They have been together forever
But now she wants her dead.

The woman laughs out loud
The night echoes her hollow voice
She tells her to give up her vain plans
But eve knows its not a choice.

Their cold eyes tell stories
Of an unforgotten haunted past
None can live while the other breathes
Even if apart in a land too vast.

Eve vowed to end this cynic
The woman who knows only pain
Hurt and guilt she causes along
As poison in her vein.

Eve pulls the trigger slow and strong
Aiming at the woman’s chest
The bullet rips through her heart
As they bleed to eternal rest.

Her heart stops beating
The woman thus slowly dies
Eve smiles at her victory
And then gently closes her eyes.

At dawn people find eve
Lying cold beside the lake
A bullet wound left her dead
Her peaceful face shall never wake.

Eve committed that one crime
Some people felt so sorry
She killed the monster inside her
But no one could know this story.

Some lamented at her wasted youth
Some said she was fearless
Some criticized her actions
For treating her life so careless.

What she did is hard to praise
That night was of a suicide or a murder
Some respect her some do not
To some she’s a coward, to rest a martyr.

lovers of dark

In the silver light she sees him stand
The rays glisten off his perfect skin
He smiles like an angel innocent and calm
He holds a deep mystery within.

Desires of temptation fill her bosom
A sinful odyssey emanates
She knows its wrong, yet she goes
Locked in his embrace she rests.

As Lucifer’s son tells of his plans
A seditious song he sings
She gently trembles at her thoughts
She fears that she might lose him.

She knows his soul is corrupt
He’s chosen the side of terror
But her world is dead without him
As she will love him forever.

He knows he should not be with her
When he holds the crown of sin and death
But he cant let go of his princess
He loves her with or without a breath.

His soul does not breathe anymore
And the beating has stopped in her heart
Together they ignite tragedy
Tyrants of Eden, lovers of dark.

my sins

Evil dwells in my heart
It weaves an untuned melody
Strangling my dreams of freedom
It carves a satirical tragedy.
My mind is calm as the night
As my heart urges me to sin
Vanity, envy, greed, lust, wrath
Help me embrace the darkness within.
These five sins I hold deadly in my veins
Two sins I add that was born of me
Heartless and sarcastic I behave
My seven sins beckon a cursed destiny.

Power and respect I crave forever
Vanity brings these thoughts
Unspoken envy in me alive
Damning those that I have not.
Intentions cruel, wanting all
Greed rewards more than must
Love not a factor for my survival
Vexing in passion brings to lust.
The raging beast of anger within
Wrath controls my fragile soul
Mockery of fools that seek my presence
Sarcasm I offer, I’m told.
But most of all compassion I detest
Heartless is my frozen self
The devil breathes through my lungs
Unforgiven pleasure I delve.

rusted patience

There’s a voice inside my mind
Talking to me silently
It tells me not to believe my eyes
As it shows nothing but lies.

The world is not all smiles and songs
There’s no right there’s no wrong
When clouds eclipse the blatant sun
My veins turn cold and numb.

Then comes ego to me and says
Life is nothing but darkness
This daylight keeps all in a trance
As fate keeps testing my rusted patience.

See the stars as they cry upon us
See the scars on the moon above
Greed and lust forever stay
Deceiving angels guide my way.

In the dark I lost my soul
All the sins are now so pure
Then when the sun comes and shines
It kills my eyes as it bleeds and cries
In the mist that I see
I cant live I cant breathe.

So when ego comes and says
Life is nothing but darkness
I believe the light is a trance
Fate scripts my rusted patience...

last breath

Like an illusion I see me smile
Just a calm smile inside my head
My body feels light as it lies down
I found peace harder done than said.
It was the same with all my emotions
An empty space marked with scars
Kept on pushing for a glimpse of horizon
Reached for it and found a black star.
Lying speechless I tried to kill the pain
It came back stronger as a crimson regret
My thoughts were in fragments always
I found this one truth so I can forget.
Don’t wake me up, I’m somewhere else
It has an unusual serenity
There’s no wind or rain to hurt
In this world of eternity.
Don’t call my name, I wont be back
I’ve closed my eyes to disappear
I feel safe without a breath
Don’t wake me up, don’t bring back tear.
I see an angel crawling to me
I silent word put as faith
Hear this now, I’m not afraid
To let go of my last breath.

my life..

Candle burns like a tear drop
Memories that it has brought
Chapters of life that seem so hollow
Melts into its own black shadow.
Closed eyes try to see
A blue sky of their dream
Eyes when open look faded
Even in sky dark clouds invaded.
Once the hands with flames, now ashes smeared
A life that was now disappeared
On fond breast the beloved rest
A troubled soul one feared.
A crescent life so incomplete
Needs more than hope to lead
A road that ladders eternity
Endless beauty of a dark pity.
Lost in forest, tripped on roots
Hands unknown pull back foot
Forever and ever torn sails fight
On a stormy ocean, my ship, my life.

papa let go

Papa you’re my hero
The man most mighty
Strong and courageous
Someone I dream to be.

Papa you are my savior
Catching me when I fall
You give me protection and comfort
Happiness and all.

You bought me my dreams
And lavish gifts so pretty
Kept me in my golden cage
Never letting go of me.

But papa now you see
I’m all grown up today
Ready for the bad world
Ready to paint my way.

Its time to let go of me
You made me strong like you
Papa let go of me
My dreams I must pursue.

There’ll be a day when you leave me
To survive on my own
I know you’ll bless me from the stars
So I’ll never feel alone.

But papa its time to say
Goodbye, I love you more
There’s a world that I must travel
Papa now let me go.

He took the ice from his soul
Stabbed her chest till she went cold
Grabbed her heart and tore it out
Then he let go.

As she fell to the floor
Bled to red on the snow
Let the pain take control
Then all was lost.

The girl he loved and left to die
Made it breathing through that night
Though she walked with no life
She lived no more.

With coldness in her eyes
Without a heart she survives
There’s no truth, there’s no lie
Just power she wants.

Dooming those who cross her path
Queen of vain, sin and wrath
Damning all in love, cursing stars
As she walks the earth alone.